Roseblood//photo courtesy of Rebecca Karpinski

By: Rebecca Karpinski, Photo Editor

Roseblood, written by A.G. Howard, is a modern day spin on Gaston Leroux’s gothic tale of unrequited love turned to madness, The Phantom of the Opera. Roseblood was so poor in its execution that it actually seemed to be good. The book takes itself so seriously that it’s just hilarious to laugh at.

The characters, plot, setting and romance were all wrong. Every single detail of the book was also wrong and failed on every possible level. Obviously big spoilers ahead, but who really gives a damn.

Our protagonist is Rune Germain, and she’s going to school at the Roseblood academy for musical talent. The first two chapters are just one dump of info about Rune’s power and information about the school.

I’m skipping ahead because the book goes into excruciating detail about her new friends at Roseblood and her classes which is  unnecessary, but let’s get to what I’ve been waiting for – The Phantom of the Opera!

Is he going to be Rune’s love interest? Nope ,his son is going to be instead. Erik (The Phantom) adopted a son who wears a mask and becomes Rune’s love interest. His name is Thorn (I’m dead serious, his name is THORN), and he wears a mask even though he has no deformities. He stalks Rune and visits her in her dreams. Erik and Thorn live in the sewers of the academy and haunt it.

Wouldn’t it be more interesting if Thorn had a deformity? Instead he wears a mask like Kylo Ren and is charming in every way despite the fact that he lives in the damn sewers without any friends except for his psycho father.

Of course, he’s a handsome love interest. We can’t have ugly love interests can we? Physical beauty and beauty of the soul itself were core themes of the original book.

Also, the reason why Erik is still alive (the original Phantom of the Opera took place in the year 1870, Susan Kay’s book “Phantom” claims that Erik was born in 1831 and Roseblood takes place in modern day 2016 so that makes Erik 186 years old) is because he’s a psychic vampire. A PSYCHIC VAMPIRE.

The best part is that Rune and Thorn are also psychic vampires (because why not) and their voices lure people to them. They don’t drink blood, but they suck the energy from people with their song (don’t ask how.)

You are probably wondering how they feed from people. Well, Erik owns a rave and he uses the people in the rave to feed off their energy. The Phantom owns a rave.THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA OWNS A GODDAMN RAVE!

Yes folks, the Phantom of the Opera owns a nightclub and there’s a rave inside that people go to and he feeds off their fear by exposing his face and using giant tubes to suck up their energy.

Later we find out that Rune and Thorn are “twin flames,“which means that they have the same soul. Essentially, one soul is separated into two parts in two different bodies.

The soul that was split between Rune’s and Thorn’s was Christine Daae’s, otherwise known as Christina Nilsson. She was a real life opera singer who is the original author of the Phantom of the Opera who was based on the character of Christine Daae.

She was Erik’s twin flame and she died before they could have a bonding ritual (not really explained well), so her soul reincarnated into Thorn and Rune.

It makes no sense. First of all why was Christine Erik’s twin flame? Erik is a tragic character because he’s never been loved and tries to force Christine to love him and when she refuses, he thinks that it is because of his deformity, but that’s not the reason at all. It’s because he’s a psychopath, stalker, kidnapper and murderer, and they were never soulmates.

The book even has the audacity to say: “She [Christine] wasn’t ready for the selfless, soul-deep level of love he required…they had a passionate emotional affair, although sadly, she was young and immature.”

Are you for real? We are really blaming Christine,the victim, here. Oh! but wait, it gets better. This is the “REAL” history of Erik and Christine:

Christine returns to Erik years later after the death of her husband Raoul and she falls in love with him because they are ~soulmates~ and they have a child together.

The baby girl dies and Erik tries to resurrect her, but Christine gets angry and leaves him forever. Erik then spends the rest of his life trying to resurrect the baby by finding Thorn and Rune because they have Christine’s soul.

The whole plot of this book is Erik trying to capture Rune so he can cut out her voice and give it to his dead daughter to resurrect.

At the end Thorn saves the day by releasing a lever that floods the sewers. He lives, of course, and he and Rune live happily ever after. Also, Erik is alive and goes to live with other psychic vampires in Canada. Why Canada? There’s no explanation why he would go there! Erik doesn’t take any revenge against them and is chill.

Everyone ends up happy in the end and nobody dies, all in the spirit of the original source material, am I right?

The only redeeming thing is that it’s so bad that sometimes it’s actually hilarious. Honestly, it’s just another bland Young Adult love story that we’ve seen a million time. However, this one really got under my skin because it used material that many people love and disrespected it,  just like that horrible Last Airbender movie did.

Only read it if you’re completely new to paranormal Young Adult books and then you’ll enjoy this more, but most readers will recognize all the familiar elements.